can’t punch one’s way out of a paper bag (Idiom Thursday)

The idiom #3 was originally used as an expression of contempt for a weak boxer.
Today it refers to somebody’s (total) lack of competence:
Don’t ask Michael to help you – he can’t punch his way out of a paper bag. 

There are several versions of the idiom:
She can’t act her way out of a paper bag.
He can’t fight his way out of a paper bag.
They can’t argue their way out of a paper bag.

You can use couldn’t instead of can’t  or change the verb in the idiom to express the kind of incompetence you’re talking about:
He couldn’t cook his way out of a paper bag.
I couldn’t drive my way out of a paper bag.

To make the phrase sound even stronger, you can say:
She can’t punch her way out of a wet paper bag.

Today I’ve learnt there’s also a(n US) variation for programmers – the “paper bag” part isn’t important anymore:
He couldn’t program a $20 out of an ATM.

What variation of the idiom do you like the best?
And how would you translate the idiom into Czech?